I've learnt that there will always be people who will disagree with you regardless of what you do. In short, you can never please everyone. Therefore, I'm gonna start doing what I like, stand up for what I believe and get what I want to get as long as everything falls reasonably. And that will be my emphasis :D.

The moon is bright, round and very beautiful tonight. And it seems to be so close to us... 

I remember telling off my dad, saying that all he ever cared about was cash. Blaming him for all the unhappiness he caused. Being angry at him for not spending enough time with the family. Thinking to myself that if ever he gets paid a million bucks to forsake the family, he would do it.

One day he called me, waking me up from my nap, after the heated argument I had with him in the morning, and told me that he was sorry and asked me out for tea. In my semi-conscious state of mind, I said I'm tired. Then he told me that he did all these because he really cared for the family. The convo ended there. I said bye and hanged up. Went back to my nap and clearly forgotten about it.

Then I suddenly recalled the scene in I Not Stupid, where the kid's dad got beaten up by a bunch of street hooligans and was sent to the hospital. In the hospital, the scene that really made me cry was the part where he said, "Son, it's not that I don't love you. I don't know how to." 

Today, I realised that my dad indeed cared for the family alot. The subtle things he does, which are too many to be named, I've taken for granted.

If there's a skill I wanna learn this year, it would be the skill of expressing love towards my family in a more open way instead of just saying it in my heart. 

Yea what if the world is all but a big facade? What if that friendly smile of the colleague, you lunch with almost everyday, is just but a mask to conceal the ugly motive which is his or her true flesh? And maybe they call you a "friend' or even a "bro" but the moment you step out of the office and transit from being a "manager" to a "commoner", a plan is secretly deviced so that you bite the dust in time to come. What if the world is just like the Snake from the Garden of Eden, filled with deceit, all out to harm you, so that you'll be cast out and damned for eternity? 

Ok I sound exaggerated but to be honest, after hearing what the lecturer said today, I'm pretty intimidated by circumstances I'm gonna face the moment I step into the working society. It seems as though true friendships, just like the ones forged in class, cannot exist in a competitive world. And yes, I've been thinking about this the whole day.... 

Maybe, the best thing we could do is to greet the world with four words, "have a nice day", when it gets in our face and cherish every single friendship that we have now, for this sacred bond may never come again.

Going through my memory library in search of an interesting topic to blog about can be most tiresome. My urge to write is always there, but I just realised that I do have very little to share.

I'm odd, I started reading "Barack Obama: The Audacity of Hope" for no reason...

It's 12:05 am in the morning and I'm downing 2 hotdog buns. Talk about the insane calories I'm gonna consume. But I'm proud of my high metabolism rate hahaha. Something which most fat people dun really have. awwww.

Anyway, there's something attractive 'bout shy girls. Especially the cute 7-eleven cashier that just served me awhile ago. As in I bought my hotdog buns from there and she collected my cash kind of service. When she smiled and said, "thank you" in a tone so soft you could barely hear, it made my day.

fuck la I'm just desperate la k...

Since Anna blogged about her memories of 2009. I shall blog about mine too.

Well, the main bulk of happenings that I could only remember would be towards the end of the year. Nothing much really happened, early this year, which left too big an impact on my memory box - as far I could think of. Except for the fact that some projects were quite tedious. So here it goes: I started skipping cell group meetings. Left church. Crossed certain landmarks I clearly set for myself. Got chased out of some cafe which serves shisha, 3 days before I hit 18. turned 18. Clubbed for the first time. Bacardi 151. Did foolish stuff which I, in my right mind would not do, in my drunken stupor (this is the part I regret most because the next day, it would set me thinking about what happened for the whole day and somehow, I know I have to apologize profusely to people). Had an awesome party at a chalet with awesome people. By grace, did a project so last minute and got selected by fujitsu (thanks people. This is the epic group that I would always remember). And many more good and bad moments that I'm too lazy to type out now.

Afterall, life is about making mistakes, but it doesn't just end there - we learn from them. Happy 2010 people!

A friend of mine told me yesterday, "Money, food, hope - without the last one, there's no point in living."

Well, I gave up mine a long time ago and allowed my heart to be flooded with insecurities, fear and worse of all, bitterness. And now, I'm just a dead person in living flesh roaming around looking for things to define my purpose. At first, I thought that I had found what truly satisfies and that emptiness is filled in the person of Christ. I called Him, "Saviour, Lord, Father". I was a solid believer for three whole fucking years. I read books, did my research, tried to know Him through external sources and always relying on my head knowledge as a measure of my faith. Then again I realised one thing - I have never once known Him. No not at all. I thought I did but no. For if a person truly experience the goodness of God, they will never want to leave Him. The desire won't even be there even though temptations and trials exist. Instead, the will to cling on Him will be stronger.

Talk about the prodigal son. I'm not even sure if I'm a child of God in the first place haha. Maybe it'll take a lifetime for me to find that purpose. Maybe my story will be like Saul of Tarsus turned Paul, I hope. Maybe I'll remain cynic like doubting Thomas till Kingdom come. At the end of the day, like many other people who thought they were Christians, I'm still seeking...

If God is real, I believe He is, one day I'll find Him. Matt 7:7. :D

Kelvin. - says:
hey bro
dota?
like now!
-joshua - says:
with who
Kelvin. - says:
me alone
-joshua - says:
lol
which room
Kelvin. - says:
today i loser
all my friends club
i stay at home
;(
- joshua - says:
lol
i also

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUNQUAN! Hopefully you enjoy yourself to da max! (you prolly wouldnt read this but i feel bad enuff not attending your 18th celebration so here's my wish to you) 

Fuck. If just for once, the crowd represents all negative things which weigh so heavily down on my shoulders, then I would love to run away from them, with all my might and speed, just like how Chris Martin ran during his performance at sound relief 2009.

We might think that social media networks have made the world more connected but in actual fact, the very essence of communication is robbed. Views anyone?

"Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everybody i've ever known." -Chuck Palahniuk

In the course of our lives, every single one of us is affected or influenced by people around, those whom we know or not, no matter how hard we try to be different. This, we can't deny.

My little brother is in Australia now. Perth, to be more specific. And the room feels kinda different without him (although he would most probably be sleeping by now). Well, hopefully he enjoys himself to the max.

Time to study! :D

The biggest fear about death is not the physical pain one has to go through but the anguish one has to bear in leaving his or her  loved ones behind and vice versa - or so it seems to me.

My sister's keeper is a wake-up call to cherish every drop of life flowing in our veins, keeping and maintaining our humanity through an inspiring lesson exemplified by a brave soul about to face the shadow of death itself. For after all, maybe the value of life comes in knowing that we will someday die and therefore, driving us to live our fullest. In that aspect, I guess death serves its purpose.

I'd like nothing more than to jam awesome songs with choice friends right now. 

 
So darn inspiring..

Ignorance can be a bliss, but curiosity overwhelms it and in turn, kills the cat...

You said you admire my courage, but it would only bring me this far at the moment..

Watched Angels & Demons 2 days ago. At the end of the whole movie, the Catholic Priest said, "Religion is flawed only because man is flawed, all men - including me."

How true.

Don't get me wrong though, God exists, but how true are our sources? Especially ancient manuscripts that had been passed on from men to men. Countless alterations and in the end making the scriptures our own doctrine. Therefore I believe that our perception of the Divine may be flawed. Many people asked me why I become the way I am right now. Yes I have selfish issues but they are mediocre compared to the philosophical and spiritual maelstrom in the mind. And before I can commit myself again to follow what these doctrines teach, I need to be sure that they are accurate. Otherwise, we are all living a lie aren't we? For after all the truth shall set us free doesn't it?

Maybe I think too much, but I can't help and I don't wanna be part of a congregation of individuals, lacking self-identity, controlled by the system which acts like a hive mind. Then again, my own perception can be wrong, seriously wrong...

I'm skyping with my friends right now. And this will be only thing which keeps me from drowning in boredom today. The conversation also provides that little ounce of comfort I need to know. Listening to the chats, giggling at some of the jokes made and joining in whenever I feel like it. Strangely, as I grow closer to them, I find that our lives are very much similar in some way or another athough we don't really go personal about our issues and stuff. An epiphany on how precious the word, "Bro" is, just dawned on me and it's a nice sensation. People come and go in life but I hope that this bunch stays together till Kingdom come, together with those whom I've grown closer to in the pass six months, especially some of my classmates.

On the other hand, the holidays are pretty much awesome so far. It's more than I could ask for, with an equal amount of rest and fun(although the resting part can be quite boring, like now). I didn't get an opportunity to work or rather, was too lazy to try harder in the search for jobs. Doing stuff which I would consider crazy in the past, crossing boundaries, regretting and yet enjoying my actions, wondering what in the world happened to me and why the sudden seperation from Someone so dear.

As I'm typing this, I caught a glimpse of that little portrait of Jesus which is leaning against the wooden photoframe on the shelf, beside my baby picture. I looked deep into the eyes that stared directly back to me. One of compassion and sorrow, so deep that I can almost sense it... I turned away.